Red 01 (Alewife (A Love Story))

Trust me when I say, dear, I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for things to get so out of hand. I never really meant to get involved with you at all. But here we are. And now, now my plans don't really mean much of anything do they? Here we are.

Do you remember, dear, when we first met? It's still so vivid to me. But that's understandable. I mean, it was quite a shock. And that's a gross understatement. I try to downplay it, now, of course, but you know. You know how scared I was. You remember that horrified look I had on my face. But be fair, dear. How could I possibly be prepared, how could I possibly know what to expect from you? I was as small minded, as pitiable in my narrow scope as all these poor souls surrounding us now. It's just human nature. I can't try to make excuses, dear. I can only offer an explanation. I'm so embarrassed, now, of course. All I can say is that I didn't know.

I can hear them getting closer. I'm sorry. I did everything I could. I hope you believe me. I know you do. You always do. You're trusting. Sweet. Kind. God, dear, I'm so sorry. But I don't know what else to do. I really don't. I'm out of ideas. I don't know where we can go. I don't know how to fix this. I feel worthless. I do. I've failed you. I've failed us. It's going to be over soon, isn't it? God. God. I'm so sorry.

I should have known. I should've right? Why am I surprised? Why should anyone be different than me? Why should anybody else have had a different reaction? They're just people. But, dear... Oh, if they would just take the time, if they would just open themselves up, even a little bit... well, we probably wouldn't be here now, would we? It's cold isn't it? It shouldn't be happening like this. It shouldn't. I keep thinking that there will be some sort of beautiful happy ending. I keep thinking there'll be some fairy tale salvation that will save us. There should be. Honestly, dear. But there won't, will there? This is it. This is how it's going to end.

Oh. But you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

I have never felt so complete, dear, as I feel when I'm with you. And would it have been easier if things had been more normal? Maybe. Honestly? Of course. Of course it would've been easier. But if things had been more normal, than maybe things wouldn't be the same at all. And there's nothing I would I change. Really. That's not true. Not entirely. I mean, if I could get in their heads... if I could show them, somehow. I would do that. I would change that. I wish they could see you... see you with the same eyes that I do. But they won't. They're going to... well, we know what's going to happen, dear. There's no doubt. And they will feel so smug, so satisfied and they'll never really understand what they... I'm so sorry, dear.

Nature... life, I guess... life is so very strange. I can tell you, I can tell you that there's nothing I expected less to happen to me. Not even, I mean... barring all the... You know, right? You know exactly how strange you are. Do I need to protect you from it? I don't. I know. You're tough. You've weathered worse but I still feel awful saying it. But even barring how strange you are, dear, I never expected this. To fall in love. To fall so madly in love so quickly. So entirely. And now, now because of bigotry... because of hate... I'm going to lose you, aren't I? And they're on their way. They're on their way and there's nothing I can do to stop them. And they're going to kill you. I don't... I can't... What am I going to do?

They don't look at you... they think you're less than human.

You're more. You're so much more.

What do we do? Tell me. Tell me what to do. I'll do anything to keep you here. I'll do anything to keep you next to me. I will. There's no... Please don't let them do this to you. It's not right. It's not. There must be... I mean, God, dear... I will grasp at any straws. I will take any... any chance. I can't let this happen. I can't just stand here and watch... I need to do something. Anything.

I should have never met you. I should have never opened that goddamned closet. I was just being nosey. Just being wildly inappropriate and bored. They must have been horrified. They must have been just horrified that someone uncovered their secret. Do you remember how wide my eyes, were, dear? Almost as wide as yours. I was so frightened. So taken aback. How could I know what was in your heart? How could I know how wonderful you were? How wonderful you are. I saw the silver flash and the gaping mouth and I was scared. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that they'll only see you with those eyes, and not with the eyes I see you with now. I'm sorry that that's what we are. It's not right. It's not right that this should happen. I think I hear them screaming. I hear footsteps. It won't be long, now, will it? God, dear... please... let's just run. I know we can't... we can't do it forever... but at least...

I understand. I know how hard this has been on you. But they're going to kill you. I'm going to lose you. I know you know already. I know you've made your peace... but how? How can you sit there so calmly and know that we're going to be ripped apart? How can you sit there so calmly and expect me to watch a mob of brutes and idiots take away the only thing I've ever really cared about? It's cruel, isn't it? The whole situation. Everything. Everything you've had to endure for one brief flare of happiness. Now it's going to be extinguished. You never did a thing wrong. You didn't do anything to deserve this. To deserve any of it. And did I make it worse? Did I free you just to get you killed? I want so badly to save you, to fix this. I do. Please let's run?

I'm so sorry now for that first look, that first look of terror, but you have to understand just how small we are. We have a tiny conception, such a minimal understanding. We bumble through life with theories and what passes for knowledge but, God dear, we don't know a thing. And to see you, your gills moving and those big saucer eyes staring in different directions... That's our definition of "monster." You're just so different from us. So alien. God. God. I'm so sorry. I couldn't know how gentle you were. I couldn't know the things you could show me. I couldn't predict the night up on the cliffside where you wove the sky into a blanket and covered us in it. I couldn't possibly know the magic you were capable of, the dreams that you could conjure, the sparkling light that you could produce with those raw clean hands of yours. And how could they do it to you? How could they subject you to such a dull life when you're so obviously something special? Something beautiful and amazing and unique? They lock you in a closet... they make you clean their goddamned mansion? How could they be so stupid? It staggers me. And they say, what? That they were trying to protect you. But look, now. I suppose they were right. And you keep saying it's going to be better this way, but do you really believe that? Was it maybe enough to just survive a lifetime? I remember how the streetlights all blew out that first night we fled. You were so excited. But was that brief moment, that tiny moment, worth what's going to happen?

I'm going to miss you so much.

You say, you say you'll be here with me, and I know that's true. (Do you hear them? They're right here, now, dear. It's going to be over in just a little bit.) But it won't be the same will it? You'll be in my heart, forever and ever. I mean, honestly, I will never, never ever forget you. (You're trembling now. It's okay. It'll be over soon and then you'll never have to be afraid again.) How could I? You're beyond anything I ever imagined. You're something bigger than us, something so grandiose, and God, I just feel gratitude for the time we did get to spend together. It wasn't enough. It could never be enough. Even if, somehow, they'd let us live to be a hundred... I'd still want another day with you. And another after that.

You could save yourself, you know. There must be a way. You have so much... so much power. The things you can do. The lights, the sky, the way the flowers bloom when you pass. The way lightning strikes in those gorgeous patterns around us. You're magical. There's no other word for it. There must be something that you can...

But it will always be like this, won't it? They're not going to understand. I'm sorry that... I'm just so sorry in general. Are you angry with me? Do you wish I would've just left you alone? You're sweating, dear. It's dripping from your scales. I know... I know you're... I want to tell you that you're beautiful. Not just because of what you can do and who you are... you're a beautiful creature. There's beauty in the silvery mesh of your fishy skin, in the deep pools of in your black dish eyes. The way you breathe. The delicate filigree of your fins. It sounds so silly. So crazy. We don't appreciate it, of course. It's not what we think of as beauty. It just took time to see you through different eyes. That's all. This isn't a new story. We've been telling it since the beginning of time. And we never learn. We're stupid, filthy mongrels. We're pissant little wretches. We're no different than the goddamned cavemen. We're still so...

That's it. Here they are. It'll only be bad for a second.

I love you.